My why...
There comes a time in everyones life, (I think) that they ask themselves why. Why am I doing this? Why am I living the way I am? Is this where I want to be? Is this who I really am, or who I feel others want me to be?
I ended up finding myself in a rut. I had such a disconnect from my work and the photography I once loved. Somehow it became something I had no feelings for... like nothing. Numb was the only word I could use to describe how I was feeling. I would cringe when I got messages or phone calls for sessions. I didn't want to go thru the process. I didn't want the process. I didn't want the "business" side of selling anyone into their portrait package or explaining why my digital only packages are so expensive.
What had changed in me? How could I spend forever loving photography and finally having my "dream job" to end up dreading the fact my phone was ringing? It took isolation to hear inside my heart. It took confusion, tears, anger and basically giving up to figure out... I COULDN'T give up! It wasn't in me. There was this pull to continue doing what I loved so much I just had to find a new way to go about it. I had to shake myself free of the doubt, the rules, the expectations I had placed on myself to "play it safe". I had to let go of that "people pleasing" mentality and shoot for ME.
I had to remember why I fell in love with photography to begin with. The thing I discovered most about myself (although I did already know it, I just didn't know how to express it) was that I am pretty upbeat, fun, optimistic and an overall happy personality...but I am just a little "deeper" than most. I don't know how to even explain it. It is just who I have always been... I don't just hear the beat to a song, I feel the words...type deep. I see beyond the surface of people and truly feel their heart. I feel who they are inside and have the gift of capturing it in an image.
I am very aware that everyone has a "story" and not in a cliché kind of way...like a REAL story. Life isn't always pretty. It sure isn't always easy... and no matter what the story is, whether I even really know the details or not...I capture it. I've always been told that people can see the "soul" of someone in my images. Why can't I just keep it that way. that is who I am. That is my gift. I see, I feel, I capture.
I like to look at my photography as way to capture a FEELING and a MOMENT...it isn't about your hair or your makeup...it is about YOU and YOUR STORY.
Without you, I can't be me...
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